I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
