Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
