i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
