I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
