My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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