I want to make a zoo with you.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
