We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
