I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
