he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
