Apparently you make a good broom.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize