the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
