He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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