As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
