Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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