if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
