no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
