I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
