I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
