You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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