Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
