Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
