I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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