Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
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They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
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My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize