I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
