we're blogging at a bar
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He uses pillows to masturbate.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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