and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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