You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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