If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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