My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
