Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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