Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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