god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
