Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
