I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
