Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
