I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize