i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
