She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
