I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
