We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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