Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
