i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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