Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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