What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
