quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
