HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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