Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
