There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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