I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
