i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm bleeding and have questions
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