Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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