I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
