When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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