Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
