ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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