but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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