But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
