I met the friendliest cop last night
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
