i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
