I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
