normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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