i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
