he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
