I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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