Pants 0. Shit 1.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
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When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
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Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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