Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
