I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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