Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
