My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
