Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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