its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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