Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
